5 Things To Look For In a Potential Spouse

Getting married is the most important decision that any human being can enter into. This decision has consequences for generations to come. This is not a decision to be entered into with a nonchalant attitude. To put it mildly, this a matter of life and death. If by divine help, you find the perfect life partner then you are in for a thrill through life but if you missed it then it would have been better if your mother never conceived you in the womb or you were aborted and was never born. It will be hell on earth.  The sad news is that billions of people around enter into a marital union without the slightest thought of the long term ramification. But before you make that leap into tying the knot, consider these five things:  

1) Seek Spiritual Compatibility:  One of the main reasons for divorce that is often cited in most court documents is ,”irreconcilable differences.” In legal jargon, this phrase is often understood to mean, “the inability for two parties to solve their differences and save their marriage.” This is simply a code phrase for spiritual incompatibility. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together except they be agreed? The context of Amos 3 is about the marriage between God and Israel, where the sin of Israel was hindering the relationship and God declared that there was the issue of Spiritual Incompatibility because Israel was walking contrary to the covenant that was established and so in like manner, the marriage between a Man and a Woman will in all likelihood end up in divorce if they are not Spiritually compatible. A marriage cannot succeed when there is sin in the camp.  

You cannot have a lasting marriage when one partner is a devout follower of Jesus Christ who attends Church every Sunday and the other is devout Muslim who attends the mosque on Fridays or a Jew who attends the Synagogue on the Sabbath. These are only samples of incompatible belief systems that are guaranteed to be a severe source for tension. Your belief system is central to the survival of your marriage and it is no surprise that the Bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14. Spiritual compatibility is the number reason for survival of a marriage. 

2) Trust For Your Partner: Trust is priceless. There is really no tangible value that any human being can put on trust. Trust is the foundation on which your potential marriage will rest. All other qualities will fade over time but trust will outlast your potential union. Outward beauty or handsomeness will fade away but trust for your partner will not. With trust, comes other vital qualities like integrity, honesty and dependability. This kind of trust is not a quality that is innately human but it is imputed trust from the divine. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” You simply cannot trust each other unless you both put your trust first in the Lord, who is the source and originator of a trustful heart. It takes time to really know some so don’t be in a hurry. People try to hide their true character but time will bring everything to the surface. 

3) Avoid Sexual Intercourse Before Making that Ultimate Decision:  Remember that you are not making a car buying decision! You don’t need to test drive before deciding if this car is for you! You are about to make the most life altering decision that you will make or break you and the last thing that any of you want to do is to engage into sexual activity. I clearly understand that about 99 percent of the global population have no problem with sex before marriage, after all what is the big deal? Here are at least two reasons why you should abstain from plunging into it: 1) The Bible Condemns Fornication: This only matters to you if you are God fearing because only a God fearing person will have the desire and ability to obey what God says. Here is what the Bible says, ” Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,” I Corinthians 6:9. You are to avoid sex before marriage because the Bible condemns it and 2) Sex Before Marriage Clouds Your Judgment: Once you engage in sex before marriage, it clouds your judgment and renders you incapable of noticing any red flags about your potential marriage partner. You may spend decades regretting your decision.  

4) Test Your Potential Spouse For Love of Money:  Money is among the leading causes for tension in a marriage. Before you say, ” I do,” take about a year to observe your potential spouse’s spending habits. If a spender marries a saver then you are setting up yourself for severe conflict and potential failure. You can only observe these character traits standing from the outside because once you engage in sexual intercourse then you have moved from the outside to the inside and your ability to see any potential faults diminishes significantly because you are now emotionally attached and blinded. 

Why would you want to marry someone with a drinking and gambling habit? More reason not to have sexual intercourse before marriage so that you can clearly observe these character traits. Money is a good tool to help make life easier but to worship Money and treat it like God is at the heart of the issue. The Bible rightly says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows,” 1 Timothy 6:10. Money is not evil but love thereof is evil. Most deviant behaviors are tied to the love of money, like gambling , drug dealing and others. You can tell a lot about a person by observing how they handle money. 

5) Test You Potential Spouses’ Temperament:  Temperament is critical for the survival of any relationship, including marriage. It is critical to watch the temperament of your potential spouse. Never be fooled to conclude that they can change after you get married to them. Anger is a very destructive temperament issue. An angry person can hardly survive any relationship, let alone a marriage relationship. Look someone who forgiving, patient, kind, loving , as matter of fact, some who exemplifies the fruits of the spirit as mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.” If you find someone with these qualities then you have found gold. And if both of you possess these qualities then it is a match made in heaven and you are to enter into a joyous and fulfilling life. 

By Waltere Asili Koti

Author, Pastoral Counselor, Theologian

Books written: The Power of Sex; Chosen By God; The Mystery Behind Emotional Issues; Fending off Suicidal Thoughts; You Are Elected

Books available on www.globalbookshome.com, Google Play Books; Barnes and Noble. Translated into multiple languages. 

 Phone and WhatsApp  410-702-8093